ASS HAT RACING DRIVER NEEDS TROPHY!

TODAY (January 30th – A Thursday) a tragic thing happened.

LOCATION: South-bound in a strictly 80 kph (enforced with multiple speed cameras) Toll-Road tunnel.

SITUATION: Both driving at exactly 80 kph in line with me in front.

This LEGENDARY STUNT DRIVER (must be… I have no idea how and who else could manage this!), ‘050 CHE‘, is behind me, goes up my arse (what we Aussies call tail-gating), then changes lanes (right), over-takes me (goes around me) only to pull (left) back into the same lane he started in but now a WHOLE CAR-LENGTH AHEAD OF ME!!!

Something like the image in this post (somewhere – because stupid WordPress is playing silly buggers)

Diagram showing overtaking using an overtaking lane

WOOT WOOT BRAVO!

But wait, it gets better!!!
Then, this absolute ASS-CLOWN immediately EXITS, the very next left exit!

WHAT A LEGEND!
His heroics and driving skill, his winning ability to overtake me and BEAT ME (is this a race where everyone has to do 80 kph race?…), deserves a medal for SHEER STUPIDITY and ASS-HATTERY.

The TRAGEDY is I don’t know who this un-sung twit is!
I can’t send him a trophy, a medal or even a congratulations note :(

So if anyone knows who this is, please make sure you get him a trophy or a medal!

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Mobile Phone Failures

It’s been so long since I posted a gripe, I figured I better post something fast!

Even if it is a little on the lame and short side..

People who let their mobile phones ring and ring and ring and yet don’t manage to answer them! (And I’m talking about such morons that they don’t even respond to texts over several days)
SERIOUSLY annoying….

It’s SO BLATANTLY ABSURD, it sounds like a joke!
WHY HAVE I GOT A RIGHT TO CRITICIZE THEM?
Because When someone HAS a mobile phone, it’s fair (and common sense) that they have it, to be contacted….. while mobile!

If you don’t want to be one of those people who can be contacted 90% of the time, DON’T OWN A FRACKING MOBILE PHONE!!
It’s simple!

In case you think I’m talking about people who own a mobile but rarely have it turned ON…. I’m NOT!
I’m talking about a mobile phone that rings and rings and rings.
Owner? JACKASS who has no respect for their friends/family.

Guess why they call it a mobile phone you nitwit?!
Because it’s ‘MOBILE’!
You can carry it with you!
If you can’t talk, turn the damned thing off!

The face of disaproval (in this case, it's 'disgust')

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Weekend Lycra-wearing Cyclists

You know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about the hordes or 20+ riders who come out on the weekends and they are ALL IN MATCHING SKIN TIGHT LYCRA (or SPANDEX or whatever…)
These RIDICULOUS outfits that have NO place ANYWHERE except in a RACE where ever second (and wind-resistence) counts!

You stupid fashion victims!
You ignorant sheep!
You wannabe fools!

Believe it or not, you look idiotic and no one wants to see you dressed like that.

Are you really so insecure that you can’t just go out and cycle for the love of cycling?
You have to follow some other stupid sheep, who is following a previous stupid sheep?

Ever seen the ads by Nike where people play hard at whatever their sport of choice is and they aren’t wearing any fancy clothes? “JUST DO IT”
Why can’t week-end cyclists ‘Just Do It’??!
Why can’t they be original and wear normal clothes?
Why do they ALL have to prance about looking like ass-clowns?!
WAKE UP!
You are not in a race! You are not in a fashion parade for the mentally challenged!

I have nothing against cyclists that cycle for the love of cycling – it’s the insecure, herd mentality, mass-mobs that not only make absolute ass-clowns of themselves every weekend by dressing in skin tight outfits and behave badly too!
I’m taking about dickheads that actually HAVE a CYCLING LANE but then insist on riding ON the white line even when a car is passing!

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“YOU KNOW WE’RE LIVING IN A SOCIETY!”

George Costanza (from Seinfeld) is asking some people in a queue, at the airport, where he can find the arrivals info but they don’t want to have anything to do with him….
[He asks a woman, ‘Do you know where the arrivals are‘ and she patently ignores him and walks off. Then he asks the next man in the queue what time it is and he responds by saying, ‘There’s a clock over there’ etc….]
So George gets angry and shouts, “YOU KNOW WE’RE LIVING IN A SOCIETY!”

I know this is a LAME introduction to this post but watching this hit a chord within me because I can’t stand when people act like this!

Yesterday I was walking down a road at night with a friend of mine (it was in South Brisbane – I.e. Not a dark alley in the middle of nowhere…) and a young woman was walking in the opposite direction. Now, there’s no one else around and she’s not on the phone or listening to head phones or anything and I’m not talking to my friend at that exact moment, so I smile and nod at her as we pass… I think my friend smiled at her too…
To me, this is NORMAL behaviour when two human beings who live on the same planet (hell, by the looks of things we even live in the same area or at the very least go out in the same area and at a stretch, we even have something fun in common, we’re all 3 of us out at 2 am on a week night!) pass each other..
What did she do?
She purposely kept here eyes dead-straight-ahead and ignored us….

“YOU KNOW WE’RE LIVING IN A SOCIETY!”

I didn’t say that but that’s what I felt!
It made me angry because I see this sort of behaviour all the time! On the train, on elevators, walking past people (even when you say, ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’), waiting in queues…
Generally anywhere in public.

Between my friend and I, last night, we agreed that the girl who ignored us on THAT occasion was possibly an exception to this sin because she was very attractive, young, tiny and dressed in an even tinier red cocktail dress and it was about 2 am and we were two men… (She was probably actually really scared that ANY attention might result in us hitting on her…. or worse)… – see future post(s) on men, drunks, alcohol or all of the above….

BUUUUUT…

For all the rest of you backward, rude, timid, horrible little people who don’t acknowledge fellow human beings who you share this planet with; YOU SUCK!
You’re horrible, scared little robot sheep and I wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire!

/end rant

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FATTIES IN TIGHTS!

Before you judge me harshly for judging fatties harshly ;)
It is scientifically proven that having an aversion to the sight of an obese person is quite natural.
It’s an in-built genetic trait, or more accurately ‘instinct’ that is designed to keep you and your future children healthy.
The reason some of us a repulsed by fatties is the same reason we are repulsed by the smell of rotting meat or the sight of an open wound – it helps us survive.

If you like fat people in tight clothes, don’t bother reading on, proceed directly to www.bigfatblog.com , do not pass begin, do not collect $200.

If fat people in tight clothing irk you, read on!

This is what a human body should look like:

This is what the human body should look like

This is what the human body should look like

(In case we have forgotten because we’re falling into a disturbing trend of accepting obesity and actually teaching people to learn how to be happy with their fat bodies)

NOT LIKE THIS!

This is NOT what the human body should look like!

This is NOT what the human body should look like!

There are several reasons fatties in tights irk me and several aspects which irk me in particular:

  • People who make their kids fat (should be punished as any child abuser would be punished).
THE PARENTS SHOULD BE PUNISHED AS CHILD ABUSERS!

THE PARENTS SHOULD BE PUNISHED AS CHILD ABUSERS!

  • People who force their fatness on us by wearing skin tight clothes out in public.
  • People who make airline flights more expensive because of their obesity.
  • People who lobby for any kind of changes which might effect the rest of us, because of their obesity.
There is nothing funny about obese people

This is not funny, it's sick.

I’m not sorry that you forgot cheeburgers and milkshakes make you fat!

I don’t deserve having your fat arse thrust in my face at the traffic lights!

It’s DISGUSTING! It’s unhealthy and it’s disrespectful to your body!

DISGUSTING!

I’ve often suspected fat people are dumb. Turns out, I might be right!

Obese People Have ‘Severe Brain Degeneration’
By LiveScience Staff

A new study finds obese people have 8 percent less brain tissue than normal-weight  individuals. Their brains look 16 years older than the brains of lean individuals, researchers said today.
Those classified as overweight have 4 percent less brain tissue and their brains appear to have aged prematurely by 8 years.
The results, based on brain scans of 94 people in their 70s, represent “severe brain degeneration,” said Paul Thompson, senior author of the study and a UCLA professor of neurology.
“That’s a big loss of tissue and it depletes your cognitive reserves, putting you at much greater risk of Alzheimer’s and other diseases that attack the brain,” said Thompson. “But you can greatly reduce your risk for Alzheimer’s, if you can eat healthily and keep your weight under control.”
The findings are detailed in the online edition of the journal Human Brain Mapping.
Obesity packs many negative health effects, including increased risk of heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, hypertension and some cancers. It’s also been shown to reduce sexual activity.
More than 300 million worldwide are now classified as obese, according to the World Health Organization. Another billion are overweight. The main cause, experts say: bad diet, including an increased reliance on highly processed foods.
Obese people had lost brain tissue in the frontal and temporal lobes, areas of the brain critical for planning and memory, and in the anterior cingulate gyrus (attention and executive functions), hippocampus (long-term memory) and basal ganglia (movement), the researchers said in a statement today. Overweight people showed brain loss in the basal ganglia, the corona radiata, white matter comprised of axons, and the parietal lobe (sensory lobe).
“The brains of obese people looked 16 years older than the brains of those who were lean, and in overweight people looked 8 years older,” Thompson said.
Obesity is measured by body mass index (BMI), defined as the weight in kilograms divided by the square of the height in meters. A BMI over 25 is defined as overweight, and a BMI of over 30 as obese.
The research was funded by the National Institute on Aging, National Institute of Biomedical Imaging and Bioengineering, National Center for Research Resources, and the American Heart Association.

The Critical Bastar doth not approve!

Ugh!

I’ll let my buddy Ricky Gervais close for me…

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Show Us Your Tits!

The stupid fat woman chomping down a sub, across from me, on the Queen street mall annoys me…
The reason she’s annoying me isn’t her obesity (although fatness often does repulse me), it’s her ‘boobage‘ that offends me today!

There are 3 parts about showing off boob-cleavage that irk me.

I'm a ditz!

The attention seeking behaviour of the insecure...

Part one, is the thing itself. The blatant, unashamed showing off.

Part two, is the pretense of this boob-show being an innocent ‘fashion side effect’.
In the worst case it’s insulting our intelligence and in the best case it’s demonstrating the wearer’s lack of it!

Part three, is when the very same women who have their cleavage out for show, behave indignantly when someone stares at it.

First things first, I’m a red blooded, heterosexual male and I don’t consider myself a prude.
I’d gladly welcome lunchtime nudity at our local city parks for all who wished to indulge in it.
What bothers me about showing off boob-cleavage is the hypocritical, inappropriate, tasteless, exhibitionist, desperate nature of this blatant attention-seeking behavior.
Showing off other body parts which we consider erogenous zones is considered taboo, yet this is considered ok?
Imagine if I wanted to wear hipsters so low that my pubic hair showed? Or the beginnings of my penis? Nice image huh?

So these bimbos get up in the morning, stand in front of a mirror and purposely arrange their boobs to show…. What is that? Who are they trying to impress and what are they trying to say?
I think it’s something along these lines: ‘I’m so insecure, what can I do to make myself attractive?, I know, I’ll put on a push-up bra and wear a low-cut top! People won’t know I planned this (to show off my boobs), they’ll think it just happened!’
Seriously?
Are you that dumb?
Do you think we are that dumb?

Of course my anger and lack of respect for these morons grows when the offender is a horribly obese woman who somehow thinks ‘Ooh, I know, if I push out my cleavage guys won’t notice I’m a big fat pig because they’ll be blinded by my cleavage’!

An finally, comes the worst offender. The Queen of hypocrites, the woman who gets indignant, annoyed or verbal when she catches someone looking at her cleavage!
It happens!!!
What did they expect?
You looked at yourself in the mirror when you got dressed, you knew what you were doing. In fact, you did it on purpose. How dare you get upset if someone looks? A more interesting question is, why are you flattering yourself? The man looking at your boobs might be thinking, ‘What a ditz, she probably thinks she’s attracting guys with that desperate display!’.The Critical Bastar doth not approve

You never know, I might not be the only guy who thinks like this….

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“Bacon and Panties”

 

It’s cold, I’m feeling off and everything is a little too bright – like a hangover -

I’m having coffee at 6am after being up ALL night and the previous day.
Then comes bacon and eggs.

mmmmm…..

I Look down at the crispy bacon on my fork, I look up and bam!-Right in my face, an arse that looks like it’s naked except for some colours painted on.

The painted arse belonged to a tank-girl-wannabe.
Seriously – ‘Tank Girl‘ complete with shaved head and tats on her fingers.

The problem was she had slight chunkiness and boarderline cellulite and it was flabbing itself in my face right over my breakfast!

The Hartley

Bacon and Panties comrade Hartley Shawcross

So she goes to her table and I ask my comrade,   ‘Who dresses like that for  breakfast?!’

I mean seriously, her ‘outfit’ was a tiny tiny little dress which looked like it was painted on.
We laugh about the whole ‘Tank Girl’ thing and finish our breakfast and coffees…..which by the way was superb ‘Blackstar‘ coffee…. then it’s time to go.

….if you’re lucky I will fill this with more observations on the early morning West End people spotted during this surreal breakfast……

Anyway, breakfast finished, coffees drunk and I’m getting in my car when Hartley asks if I notice any ‘open leg'(?) – I joked, ‘Yerh and she’s wearing white panties’ [because, really, as if a chick like that wears white panties]…
Anyway, to cut a long story short; I had to do a U-Turn  and she was, in fact, wearing basic white panties!     :shock:
What an outrage!
She practically does a ‘Basic Instinct‘ and the ‘Tank Girl’ is wearing white panties?!!!???

That’s not right!

She’s got tattoos on her fingers, a punk hair style, a dress so small it would make a prostitute blush, the whole cheeky tank-girl-thing and she wears white panties?!
No way…
That’s messed up!
She should be wearing NO panties.
I expected to see flesh! I expected to see flesh because girls like that shave it all off!
If I didn’t see flesh, the only reason should have been because I was looking at the kind of bush only West End’s finest ferrals could muster, or because our hot little Tank Girl likes classy llingerie and is sporting some fine french lace knickers, or because she’s true to form and is sporting some clashing fluorescent underwear or some bizarre piercing construction!
NOT BORING WHITE PANTIES!

I was insulted! First my bacon and eggs is ruined by her borderline flab, then instead of seeing her bacon and eggs, I get white panties!!!
WHITE PANTIES!!
WHITE!

The Critical Bastar doth not approve

P.S. On a saner note, local personality, Dave Andrews was also there ;)

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