“Bacon and Panties”

 

It’s cold, I’m feeling off and everything is a little too bright – like a hangover –

I’m having coffee at 6am after being up ALL night and the previous day.
Then comes bacon and eggs.

mmmmm…..

I Look down at the crispy bacon on my fork, I look up and bam!-Right in my face, an arse that looks like it’s naked except for some colours painted on.

The painted arse belonged to a tank-girl-wannabe.
Seriously – ‘Tank Girl‘ complete with shaved head and tats on her fingers.

The problem was she had slight chunkiness and boarderline cellulite and it was flabbing itself in my face right over my breakfast!

The Hartley

Bacon and Panties comrade Hartley Shawcross

So she goes to her table and I ask my comrade,   ‘Who dresses like that for  breakfast?!’

I mean seriously, her ‘outfit’ was a tiny tiny little dress which looked like it was painted on.
We laugh about the whole ‘Tank Girl’ thing and finish our breakfast and coffees…..which by the way was superb ‘Blackstar‘ coffee…. then it’s time to go.

….if you’re lucky I will fill this with more observations on the early morning West End people spotted during this surreal breakfast……

Anyway, breakfast finished, coffees drunk and I’m getting in my car when Hartley asks if I notice any ‘open leg'(?) – I joked, ‘Yerh and she’s wearing white panties’ [because, really, as if a chick like that wears white panties]…
Anyway, to cut a long story short; I had to do a U-Turn  and she was, in fact, wearing basic white panties!     😯
What an outrage!
She practically does a ‘Basic Instinct‘ and the ‘Tank Girl’ is wearing white panties?!!!???

That’s not right!

She’s got tattoos on her fingers, a punk hair style, a dress so small it would make a prostitute blush, the whole cheeky tank-girl-thing and she wears white panties?!
No way…
That’s messed up!
She should be wearing NO panties.
I expected to see flesh! I expected to see flesh because girls like that shave it all off!
If I didn’t see flesh, the only reason should have been because I was looking at the kind of bush only West End’s finest ferrals could muster, or because our hot little Tank Girl likes classy llingerie and is sporting some fine french lace knickers, or because she’s true to form and is sporting some clashing fluorescent underwear or some bizarre piercing construction!
NOT BORING WHITE PANTIES!

I was insulted! First my bacon and eggs is ruined by her borderline flab, then instead of seeing her bacon and eggs, I get white panties!!!
WHITE PANTIES!!
WHITE!

The Critical Bastar doth not approve

P.S. On a saner note, local personality, Dave Andrews was also there 😉

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About Marc Jager

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